Finding Joy

My little bird knows how to sing, but I really wish he could learn this song. He can already dance to it, that's for sure. He does it on my windowsill in the mornings.

Today, (actually that should be every day) I am looking for joy. Let's see, where will I begin? The indisputable number one on the list is my faith in God. The next one on the list is very easy:

This little guy came into our lives last October and is the source of so much JOY!

The inspiration for my blog has been visiting me on my window sill for almost three years. There is some sorrow behind those visits but my little bird drowns out the sorrow with his faithful visits where he expresses his joy. (At least, I interpret his actions as joyful through the chirps and fluttering wings.)

More joy comes in the companionship and love I share with my sweet husband. Conversations with friends and family deliver special moments of joy.

When I look out the window and see the beautiful pink roses my friend gave me, I'm inspired. My sentimentality takes wings!!!

Mourning

When I think of mourning, I think of those I have lost. I think of the thousands of people that have succumbed to the virus. But this morning I was made aware of some other reasons to mourn.

I watched a story on TV this morning that showed a teacher standing in an empty classroom, holding her face mask, shoulders slumped, head bowed. There was such a poignant message to it. She expressed her sadness at not being able to see her students finish the school year, moving on to the next grade, or perhaps even preparing for their graduation. The realization that these moments are forever lost is a new kind of mourning. They only exist as memories now. Students have had to find new, unique ways to celebrate once-in-a-lifetime occasions.

Memories: how much more valuable they have become.

After I watched the teacher story,  my little bird greeted me, flapping enthusiastically at my window. He reminded me that it's a beautiful day. The sun is shining and the sky is blue. I take pleasure from hearing him and knowing that his joy is untainted by our troubles.

Touch

Touch has now become a word with so much more feeling attached to it. A hug is something we now covet and appreciate in ways we never did before COVID-19 came into our lives. So much has changed in such a short amount of time.  New friendships have blossomed where there were none. Old friendships have grown stronger and taken on greater meaning. Family relationships are being recognized and valued more than ever before.

Faith is being tested now as we deal with illness, deaths, and financial struggles. Moving about in our world has become a challenge met with compliance by many, but far too many others are resisting and insist on walking around without masks.  Physical distancing seems totally unnecessary to them: so much discord.

There's a song that includes the words: "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."  Is God looking down on us right now in sorrow? Does He see the mess we are dealing with?  And since we chose free will all those years ago in the Garden of Eden, should we expect His intervention?

Are we worthy of fulfillment? We can build our faith, pray and ask Him to help us. He, the greatest physician of all, can convey to our physicians and scientists the knowledge and wisdom they need to find a cure for this virus.

Faith and touch: beautiful words so filled with promise.

Multitasking

This resourceful dad has come up with a unique way of soothing a sleeping baby and entertaining himself at the same time.

I must admit I would never have thought of this. Babysitting isn't such a bad job. As families have spent more time in close proximity, bonds seem to be growing more and more. That's a good thing and hopefully it will bring us, let's see, what's that word???
Oh, yes:    JOY

Will You Be Strong Enough?

This day honors all those who are privileged to be mothers. Throughout time, motherhood has been revered as special and deserving of celebration.

This morning my little Käse was fervently flapping his wings against my bedroom window. (Käse is pronounced kasa, first a is long, second a is short, and is German for cheese. My son loved cheese.) Memories fluttered back. Three years ago, on Mother's Day, we all gathered at my niece's home for our annual celebration. Jason was there, standing beside me. For everyone to hear, he looked at me and said "I wish everyone could have a mom like you."  It was such a sweet sentiment and I will never forget it. Little did we know that two weeks later he would be gone. Now he visits me in spirit and I call him "Käse".

Motherhood takes many forms. There are mothers who have a biological as well as an emotional bond and there are those who adopt, and build strong emotional attachments as they build a family. Others simply form an attachment created by time and closeness. Which is better?  I can think of no test that could possibly determine the true answer to that.

With motherhood I believe a new kind of strength is created. It's measurement cannot be predicted or proven in advance. It is built, one day at a time, and proven through our actions. And as the days progress, our children (and perhaps others) are witness to that strength.

Today's world is now facing a unique challenge to our strength. Of course, this challenge is not only presented to mothers, but to all people; but because it's Mother's Day, I'm slanting this to address mothers. The future appears to be filled with face masks, physical distancing and survival struggles. We must all be strong-willed enough to recognize and deal with these issues appropriately. And, mothers, protect your children. It is beginning to look like this virus is targeting children more than we initially thought. Keep your children as safe as humanly possible. They are the heirs of your strength and will perpetuate your strength in the future.

Southern Drawl, Y'all

Well, I guess the obvious way to begin this post is with "Y'all". I think this is the most common, widely known southern word. It is a shortened version of You All. You can conveniently address two people or two thousand people by just saying "Y'all".

And there's "fixin' to", as in "I was just fixin' to call you". Preparing to do something requires assuring that you are "fixin' " to do it.  People need assurance, you know.

"Fine as frog hair". Do frogs even have hair? Well, if they do, I'm sure it must be fine in order to deserve comparison to someone's wellbeing.

I'm sure a few southern phrases and terms are all y'all can take at one time, so I will move on to a different subject: CHRISTOPHER!  This is today's photo of him.  He's growing so fast!  And teething so his mom says he gets a little fussy sometimes, but it doesn't seem to be bothering him today. He's such a handsome boy.

Thankful

This cross was made by a good friend of mine. He is a very good wood worker and I cherish this wooden cross. It is an indicator of how thankful I am for the blessings God has bestowed on me and my precious husband Bill.

We've been quite diligent about staying home but yesterday we had to make a trip to Newnan for a doctor checkup. After parking our car, we walked up to the entrance of the hospital where we then had our temperatures taken and answered questions about any symptoms we might be having that would be suspicious of THE VIRUS. Thankfully, we are well and able to answer positively. We thank the Lord for that.

Masked and gloved, we entered the hospital and made our way to our first appointment, lab work. I say OUR but it actually was Bill's appointment. He was the one who had to get stuck! The news was good when he saw the medical oncologist; all lab results were great! We definitely thank the Lord for that!!!

My Käse was happy about the results I think. He was jumping up and down on the window sill this morning as though he knew the results of our doctor visit yesterday.

To my friend in Germany, I would like to say hello and I look forward to her comments on my blog. It makes writing this much more satisfying to know that you enjoy reading it. I hope everyone feels that way.

My friend and I have been sharing recipes, especially chicken recipes. Southern fried chicken, chicken parmesan, southern specialties.

About this southern thing: as a southern girl, born and raised, I'd like to acquaint you with our unique vernacular, but I think that it deserves it's own POST. Stay tuned for the next POST that I will title "Southern Drawl, Ya'll".

Finding Joy Amidst Chaos

I just returned from picking up our groceries at the local Kroger.  Things were surprisingly calm today unlike last week when there were many more cars waiting than there were parking spaces and people were getting really aggravated.  Instead of waiting patiently to earn one of the designated spaces to have groceries loaded, people would come wheeling in and grab the space before those cars who were already hovering, waiting could make it into the slot.  And so, discord would ensue to the point that someone even threatened to call the police.  At that point, the store manager had to come out and restore order.  Wow! Can you believe our society has reached the stage of fighting over parking spaces for groceries?

My little Käse has been happily greeting me at my window these past mornings, seemingly unaffected by what is happening in our world. It's sad that there are a number of animals that have now become infected with the COVID-19 virus.  The Bronx Zoo has several tigers and lions that are now sick. I've heard of a few domestic cats and dogs who are ill and even one that has died.  Be careful with your animals and try to isolate them as much as possible.  They love us unconditionally and deserve to be protected.

My sweet great grandson is growing so quickly! He's 6 months old now and on the verge of learning so many things, like crawling and walking.
                                   
And he has hair now!!!  I hope he will have hair like his daddy, not his granddaddy. To be fair, Jason had nice hair but he lost it at an early age.  But he adapted well.
 

Sweet Potatoes

Our sweet baby loves sweet potatoes! Can you tell?  He's learning all kinds of new tastes--even lemon, which he clearly does not like.  I'm very proud that his mom and dad are sheltering him and keeping him safe from this dreadful virus.  I pray that soon I will get to see him and hug and kiss him.

Our state has just been given the green light to begin opening some businesses: hair salons, barber shops, spas for massage therapy and restaurants. I fail to see the logic in beginning with these businesses since it's really not possible to cut or color someone's hair, or give a massage without touching a person. The people who do these jobs may not be able to acquire the PPE equipment they need to protect themselves so they are much more endangered.  How the decision was made to allow this is a complete mystery to me.  What comes to mind is: "The chain is only as strong as the weakest link".  That weak link may be the next person who walks through the door, coughing, and wants a hair cut or a massage.

And on Monday, restaurants will be able to invite customers inside to sit down and be served their meals.  Unless the facility is quite large, how can they maintain social distancing, which they are supposed to do?  And how do the managers decide when to say "no more" allowed inside at this time?  Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, especially if potential customers have had a few drinks.

I understand the concern for our economy, and that people need to be able to feed their families.  But if they contract this virus, they'll be SICK, maybe hospitalized, and they STILL won't be able to feed their families.

After all these things I have lamented, there is one thing I would beg everyone to remember.  Something we can and should please make part of our routine to protect ourselves from being infected by this virus:

Christopher and Dad

This is probably Christopher's first lesson on cars, especially Mustangs. He seems to be very interested, whatever it is. He and Dad are best buds. His mom says he has been fussy because he is teething. Today is his 6 month birthday!!! He's 6 months old today. Happy birthday my sweet, precious little boy. I'm praying we'll be able to see you and hold you and hug you very soon. Oh, yeah, ya'll too, mom and dad. ;-)

My little Käse hasn't been at the window for a couple of days but the landscapers have been here mowing the grass and cleaning away weeds and stuff outside so I think they have forced him away for now.  I'm sure he'll be back. The noise from the mowers and weed eaters was too much.

The last few days have been so beautiful. The sky's so blue and it's so nice to have sunshine for a change. There's still some rain hanging around but at least we've had some pleasant days to enjoy. Of course, I can write my name in the pollen on the hood of the car...ah-ah-choo...!

Christopher

Since I mentioned the new member of our family recently, I'll tell you some more about him. He is Jason's grandson. His name is Christopher. He was born a little early and weighed 4 pounds, 10 ounces. He was a little squirt but he has been working really hard to make up those pounds. I don't get to see him very often because they live about 2 hours away but his mom is really great about sending me photos so that I can keep up with his progress.

This is the cutest baby in the whole world!!  At least, his great grandma and great grandpa think so. He's already a daddy's boy. It warms my heart to see them together.

We are keeping ourselves at home and rarely leave except for an occasional trip to the nearby pharmacy or to pick up groceries. I'm hoping soon this terrible virus will be a thing of the past and Christopher and his mom and dad will be able to visit. I'm so looking forward to that time.

Be safe, stay home, people.

Käse

I guess it's time to give my little bird an earthly name.  I think Käse is a good one for him and Jason would find it hilarious and absolutely appropriate for him. Käse is the German word for cheese.  Jason loved cheese. As far as he was concerned, everything was better with cheese on it. And so my little bird with Jason's spirit will be called Käse.

I'm trying to find levity to sprinkle through the contents of this blog.  I'm pretty sure we need it right now.  Last night I fell into a bit of a funk, shed a few tears over what's happening to our world.  And then I prayed; I prayed; and I prayed that the Lord would give me strength to deal with this. I prayed for those who are sick, asking Him to heal bodies, minds, and spirits. I prayed again for Him to bolster my faith. I believe He will.

When Jason was growing up, he loved bicycles. Every Christmas, the top item on his list was a new bicycle. He never grew out of that.  He passed that passion to his son and they spent many hours riding, repairing and building bicycles. Quite often they would ride to the lake and jump the bikes off the pier into the water. It was great fun for them. I cherish those memories.

When we lived in Florida, Jason and his friends would gather and ride miles and miles along the beach.  He loved the ocean so much. Then it would begin to get dark outside and I would get a phone call.  Mom, he'd say, please come pick us up. We're too far down the beach to make it back before dark. And off I would go to gather them up and bring them home.

I have many more stories to tell but I will save them for another time.  It's very important to me that he is not forgotten.  I know I never will.

Feather Friends

I posted on my blog all night last night.  Oh, wait. I guess that was in my dreams. Well, as you may have guessed, I'm just beginning this blog journey so I hope you will continue this journey with me.

I awakened this morning to the sound of bird wings flapping against my bedroom window. He's very persistent and doesn't slow his efforts until I speak to him. I tell him good morning; how much I miss him and love him. Then he seems to calm himself and flaps a bit more softly. Our child was always extremely intelligent, very articulate, opinionated, and determined to be heard. 

What could he be trying to tell me today?  My goodness, there has been so much happening. A few months ago, my great grandson was born. My son would now be a grandfather. His pride would be boundless. 

His son finished school, got married and has now given him an heir.  He would have so much to say and be so full of love for this new little family.

Since last fall, his father has fought and won a battle with cancer. He will find great joy in being OPA (great-grandfather) to our sweet little great grandbaby. 

But perhaps the message to me this morning is to focus on the very serious situation our world is dealing with right now: COVID-19. Stay home; wash hands frequently; distance ourselves from others. Think of ways to help and not hinder the efforts of those trying to care for the infected victims of this terrible virus.

An affectionate kiss. A warm hug. These are things we avoid right now but we should find alternate gestures of friendliness, kindness, helpfulness; gestures that will fill the void, the need for human touch.

I went back into the bedroom just now.  My little bird has gone for now. Once he greets me in the morning and makes himself known, I suppose he is confident I am at least contemplating the message he is trying to convey. And so he flies away, for the time being.

Strength In Numbers

We're waking up to a whole new world these days.  It's something we have never dealt with in our lifetime and are struggling to come to grips with; and many are finding even harder to accept. Political powers from state to state are dealing with their own unique problems as well as the common problems of a pandemic.

Young people who feel ten feet tall and bullet proof are gradually beginning to see the errors in their judgement.  Parties on the beach have become off limits, at least, for now. The loss of loved ones has become convincing evidence of the need to comply with shelter in place rules. The term wildfire easily applies to this disease. It is spreading so incredibly fast, it leaves one speechless.

I wonder, is this what has been required to bring humanity to its knees? It's seems so radical and cruel but yet through our trials and tribulations thus far, the thing that is becoming more and more evident is unity. Every day I see more stories of people reaching out to one another, offering help and encouragement, building on strength and faith.

This is just a tiny bit of what I am observing right now.  The next thing that looms very large for me is the state of the healthcare workers and the first-responders.  Having spent 45 years in the medical field, I have a tremendous amount of empathy for them and what they are experiencing.  As a respiratory therapist, I was constantly on the "front lines", saving lives and regrettably facing the loss of lives. The situation we are facing right now will undoubtedly forever impact our doctors, nurses, therapists; all those who are working so hard to combat this virus.

But through it all, I hold on to my faith. God is here and has not forsaken us. Hold on, people.

Robin's 'Hood

Welcome once again to the robin's 'hood. I don't actually know if my bird is a robin, but he's brown and he has a rust-colored breast, so my limited knowledge about birds leads me to believe that he may be a robin.

Anyway, I started this blog with the original intent of expressing my feelings about an earlier tragedy in my life. I recently lost my 46-year-old son very suddenly. He was our only child. I'm still dealing with the pain of his loss and I thought perhaps this blog would allow me to channel some of my grief in a constructive way.

However, given the dramatic change of world affairs, I am now approaching this from an entirely different perspective. And with the hope that we are able to avoid this potential tragedy. I will tuck my grief away for a time when our world is not in such turmoil.

My husband and I are sheltering in place and have been doing so for almost a week, except for one trip to the grocery store and one to the pharmacy. Modern day Americans are definitely not prepared for staying inside their homes for any length of time. 

It is extremely difficult as is demonstrated by the number of people still walking around on the beaches and city sidewalks. It is unclear if these people just refuse to believe this is happening or if they feel impervious to this virus. It is clear that they have little concern for the effect their foolishness may have on the older population. 

There are also those who respect the knowledge and experience of the healthcare officials and are trying to comply with current restrictions.

Today I saw someone on a newscast kissing the coffin of a loved one lost to COVID-19. I can only say I hope that those non-compliant people ignoring the warnings being given do not have to experience a loss like that.

Welcome To The Robin's 'Hood

Welcome to the robin's 'hood. I'm not certain the bird at my window is a robin, but I think it is. He's brown with a rust-colored breast. He's been coming to my window for almost three years now, landing on the sill and relentlessly flapping his wings against the window, making it seem that he really wants to come inside.

The window is my bedroom window, but if I move into the bathroom, he follows me and flaps his wings against that window, letting me know that he knows where I am. When I go back to the bedroom, he once again appears there.

It has been almost three years since my son died, unexpectedly, without warning. The robin began appearing about four months after his death. I believe there are messages attached to his visits. I just have to figure out what they are.